Mom.Podge

living the canvas of life from collage to masterpiece

Bringing You Home

The first time we brought you home from the hospital, we were ecstatic. Yesterday, we were terrified.

The first time you came home, we were jubilant. We couldn’t wait to officially be a family of four. Yesterday, we were scared. We didn’t know how this disease would impact our family life. Would Aaron feel neglected in light of all the attention his sister now demanded?

The first time we left the hospital, we had our I’s dotted and our T’s crossed. We had done this before, after all. We knew what we were doing. We were confident. Yesterday, there was only uncertainty. Sure, we understood all of our diabetes education, but blood sugar levels can change in an instant because of countless variables. What if we messed up? What if our mistake cost us the unthinkable? We were nothing but unsure.

Driving you home, watching you sleep. We craved for the normalcy that was ours just a few days earlier. Things were so simple last week. Now, it all seemed so complicated and complex. It was a hard place to be. On one hand, we were celebrating your life – the very fact that we could bring you home. On the other, we were mourning the loss of what we thought would always be. And somewhere in between, we felt selfish for allowing ourselves to even let the latter cross our minds.

I suppose we are only human, fragile and broken even in our strongest state. Just because we are grateful for the good, doesn’t mean that we can’t cry when we are sad. And just because we accept the bad, doesn’t mean we can’t be angry… for a time.

Bringing you home yesterday was nothing like the first time. We were vulnerable and wrestling with processing all that had transpired over the past five days. We were weak and weathered. But then, you smiled. You laughed. And we were renewed.

Whatever it takes, God will be glorified. Whatever it takes, we will bless His name.

 

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